Once upon a time, on a dark and stormy night, call me Ishmael, there was a group of friends wandering the streets of Flagstaff looking for a good time. The group was wandering into a watering hole called Collin's Irish Pub when one of the members saw a poster on the wall next to the door.
"Dude, there's midget wrestling at Flagstaff High School next Wednesday."
"Sweet, lets get tickets. But for now, lets get drunk."
So a week passed and our eager protagonists lined up, excitedly, outside of the Flagstaff High School gymnasium, celebrating something for a friend named Toddler (either a birthday party or bachelor party, alcohol and time have blurred facts in this instance) by boring him to tears with the prospect of midgets beating the crap out of each other. The gates opened and our group of ne'er-do-wells procured themselves some prime seats for the gala.
While the pre-show autograph session was in play, an astute member of the group noticed that Little Kato had taken a liking to a young, 19-year-old friend of the group named Jenne (who would later on become the reason for another friend's bachelor party, interestingly enough). A member of the group, Zoom perhaps, convinced Jenne to tell Little Kato that she would meet him at a bar called Maloney's after the show was over.
Little did Kato know (ha ha, that's kind of punny) that Jenne couldn't even get into the bar and the setup was just part of the groups nefarious plan to buy a midget a beer. Kato was all too eager to meet Jenne after the show. The bait was set.
As soon as Kato's performance was over (he rassled Beautiful Bobby, of that I am sure) the entire group made a bee-line straight to Maloney's and began the process of drinking WAYYY too much beer in the form of 32 ounce mugs of goodness. Most of the group had gone through 2 of these mugs and were working on a third when, lo and behold, LITTLE KATO walked through the door, alone.
A rousing cheer went up from the table, for their bait had worked and a midget was now standing in their favorite bar. Kato gave the group an evil eye and proceeded to walk around the bar, looking for Jenne, who had gone home after the show to do whatever it is 19-year-old people did in those days.
After Kato had looped the bar once, the group yelled to him to come over and have a seat because we LOVED his performance and we wanted to buy him a beer. He looked around, saw no other groups of people offering him a beer, and came to the table.
I immediately pulled up a stool to the table, which is funny because the stool was almost as tall as he was. He climbed up the stool like it was a ladder (or scaffolding, perhaps) and introduced himself. When we offered him a big, man size 32 OZ beer, he shook his little nub fingers in front of his face in fear and decided to go with a pint because it would look the same in his hands as a quart does in our hands.
Long story short, one beer became two, two became four, and all of us became drunk. Kato even managed to buy us a round of beer. THEN, to add glory to an already glorious story, a Budweiser rep came up to the table and asked what we were drinking.
"Coors Light. YAY!!!" was the reply.
"Well, if you drink Budweiser the rest of the night the next round is on me, plus I'll give you all a hat."
"Budweiser. YAY!!!"
So after a round of beer that we probably didn't need, Kato decided he needed to go hang out with the rest of the wrestlers at another bar in Flagstaff. I, being a gentleman and a scholar and a guy who wanted a midget in his car, offered him a ride. He told us that if we gave him a ride he would get us into the new bar by telling them we were part of his ring crew.
We piled into the car and I drove, KJ (all 6'8" of him) rode in the front seat and J-Credible and Zoom sat on either side of Kato who was sitting in the "bitch" seat in the second row of seats in my Durango. KJ had the Kool-Aid-est grin I've ever seen in my life and actually spent the entire ride turned in his seat, staring at Little Kato and laughing. KJ had to go home for some reason so we dropped him off and Little Kato took his place in the front seat. We went to the bar and continued having one of the best nights ever.
Two things have come from this evening: Sitting shotgun is no longer called shotgun in my circle, it is called sitting Little Kato. And, sometimes I am able to remember the vision of a midget sitting next to me in my ride and I laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh . . .
B!
P.S.-if anyone who was there wants to add anything to this, please feel free. I was drink drank drunk that night. And yes I drove and yes I have learned my lesson and I don't do that anymore, so don't give me any shit.
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